Love, Always and Forever Read online

  Maybe she’d just prodded a sleeping tiger, even if she wasn’t sure why she wanted to. But one thing for sure, he’d think of her with every cookie he ate.

  Chapter 8

  Mikhail was the first to arrive at his mother’s house for dinner. Walking up the driveway, he noticed there were no lights on in the garage apartment. Not much of a surprise considering it was currently unoccupied. Still, it seemed odd for no one to be living in the annex at all anymore, and he wondered if it bothered his mother to be completely alone now. He hoped not. With both Jack and Tino married, he would most likely be the one appointed to take up residence there if it ever seemed warranted. He would do it without hesitation, though; he owed it to Marlene Lukash to give her whatever she needed from him.

  But, damn, he really hoped it never came to that. Since leaving the military, he needed his own space and the privacy it afforded him more than ever. Lately, he’d been having a higher percentage of good days than bad, but his moods remained unpredictable. There was no telling what would set him off, and when things weren’t going well, he preferred to crawl off alone to lick his wounds. His mother and brothers loved him, but they weren’t likely to respect his boundaries if they got it into their collective heads that he needed help.

  The front door opened and Marlene stepped outside. Her face lit up in a bright smile as soon as she saw him. “Misha, it’s been too long. That work schedule of yours sure makes it hard to plan family dinners.”

  Marlene was the only one besides his birth mother who ever called him Misha, the diminutive form of his first name. He loved that small connection between the two most important women in his life. He picked up the pace and joined her on the front porch, wrapping her in his arms for a long hug. The warmth of her embrace and the familiar scent of her perfume soothed him as it always had.

  When she finally stepped back to hold him at arm’s length, Marlene studied him as if she saw right through to his soul. “You look better, son. Not quite so many shadows in your eyes. Tell me you’re doing better these days.”

  Damn, he should’ve known she’d figure out he’d been having problems. From day one when he’d moved in with her and Joe as a teenager, he’d never been able to hide anything from her. She’d also been married to a man who’d spent twenty years in the army and then had three sons who had each served their country. More than most, Marlene knew how hard the transition from the military back to civilian life could be. Considering the number and kind of deployments Mikhail had completed, it was no surprise he was dragging around a cartful of baggage these days.

  “I am, Mom. The job keeps me busy, and I’ve been doing some work on my place.”

  She looped her arm through his as they walked back into the house. “I heard all about the fence. I’ll have to swing by sometime soon and see how it looks.”

  They headed toward the kitchen, always the heart and soul of the family home. “I also heard about the greenhouse you put together for your next-door neighbor. It was nice of her to hire Ricky to help you. Jack told him that he will match whatever money Ricky earns to buy a car, so every little bit helps.”

  It was the same deal that Joe and Marlene had offered each of their three sons when they’d been Ricky’s age. “The kid worked hard. He deserved to get paid.”

  Marlene gave him a sly look as she poured them each a cup of coffee. “And I hear your neighbor paid you as well.”

  Damn his brothers and their big mouths. “Amy gave everyone that showed up a plate of cookies even though Jack, Tino, and Jay didn’t do a damn thing to earn theirs. You should have a talk with them about accepting pay for a job they didn’t do.”

  His attempt to distract her didn’t work. “Yes, that was bad of them, but I believe Jack mentioned that yours were different than the rest.”

  “They were. I may have mentioned I like peanut butter cookies.” Not that he actually had ever said any such thing. “Since she didn’t know what the other guys liked, Amy made them a mix of flavors.”

  “Well, then that makes sense.”

  If it hadn’t been for the slight smile and the twinkle in her eyes, he might have thought she bought his explanation. Canny woman that she was, though, she changed directions. “I never thought to tell you to invite Amy to dinner today. She already knows Jack, Tino, and Ricky. Jay, too, and he’ll be coming over a little later. I’m sure she would love to meet the rest of the clan.”

  Oh, hell, no, they weren’t going there. “She’s working today.” Probably, anyway.

  His mother patted him on the arm. “Well, next time for sure, then.”

  Before he could mount a protest, the back door banged open as Ricky led the charge inside. “Hi, Grandma!”

  After giving Marlene a hug, Ricky turned his attention to Mikhail. “Hey, I was going to call you. Think Amy has anything else I can help her with? I need the money for my car fund, you know. I promise I’ll do a good job for her.”

  Mikhail didn’t doubt that for a moment. The kid might be mouthy, but he took his obligations seriously and for good reason. After living on the streets, Ricky really appreciated having a stable home life and a whole new family who loved him unconditionally. Considering Jack, Tino, and Mikhail had also experienced their own rough times before joining the Lukash clan, it was something the boy had in common with his adoptive father and uncles.

  “I don’t know when I’ll see Amy again, but I promise to ask her. Regardless, I have some backbreaking grunt work I’ll be glad to have your help on.” Mikhail held up his hand to forestall the question he knew was coming. “And, yes, I will pay you.”

  He glanced past the teenager to check in with Jack and his wife. “Can I borrow him next Saturday? I’m doing some landscaping and need help tearing out the old sod and then spreading a bunch of compost and new topsoil. I’ll even feed him.”

  Ricky’s head swiveled between his parents and Mikhail. Finally, Jack nodded. “Sure thing. Let me know if you need any extra help. I can always hog-tie Tino and drop him off in your front yard.”

  Mikhail hadn’t heard their middle brother walk in, but obviously Jack had. Tino set a big bowl of salad on the counter. “What are you volunteering me for this time?”

  Jack jerked his head in Mikhail’s direction. “Baby brother is doing some landscaping at his place next Saturday. I figured you wouldn’t mind doing some backbreaking work for free.”

  Tino shook his head and did his best to look sad. “Sorry, but I’m pretty sure that’s the day I promised to polish the family silver.”

  Then he grinned. “Seriously, I have a chess game scheduled with Natalie’s grandfather. You have no idea how cranky Cyrus gets when I have to cancel.”

  Natalie followed Tino into the room. “Actually, you must have your dates wrong. Granddad and I have plans for Saturday. There’s no reason you can’t help your brother.”

  Her husband grimaced. “Thanks a lot for the support, Nat. Didn’t you see me giving you the high sign to back my play?”

  She giggled. “Is that what that was? Sorry, honey. I’ll try to do better next time. Mikhail, he’s all yours.”

  Mikhail stood up to hug his petite sister-in-law. “You know if Tino hadn’t latched onto you before we even had a chance to meet, I would’ve married you myself.”

  Tino shoved his way between them. “Hey, hands off my woman. Get one of your own.”

  Jack’s wife joined the crowd. “From what I hear, your new neighbor might be a good candidate for that job. Jack says she’s really pretty, and Ricky likes her, too.”

  “I do. She’s a great cook, and I wouldn’t mind having a few cousins, Uncle Mikhail. Think you could get to work on that?”

  Suddenly the kitchen was too crowded, the air too thin to breathe as Mikhail’s temper, never far from the surface, flashed hot. Damn it, would they not let up on teasing him about Amy? The two of them were just friends, and he wanted to keep it that way. No, he had to keep it that way.

  He edged toward the back door, needing to escape befo
re he did something stupid, something they’d all regret. The last thing he wanted to do was punch one of his brothers. No, that wasn’t true. He really, really wanted to do exactly that for shooting off their big mouths about him and Amy. It wasn’t any of their damn business. He should teach them to keep their fucking mouths shut.

  Jack started to block his way but then backed off as soon as he got a good look at Mikhail’s face. Outside, Mikhail debated where to go next. He’d parked in the street, so no one could have blocked him in. His brain was still working well enough to realize he shouldn’t be behind the wheel right now. God knows what would happen if someone cut in front of him or rode his bumper too close.

  He veered off to the left, heading for the annex. He’d take his anger out on the heavy bag in the small gym he and his brothers had built in a corner of the living room when they’d all lived there.

  It took him two tries to finally get his key in the lock and let himself in. If that hadn’t worked, he would’ve kicked in the door if that’s what it took to put some distance between himself and the rest of the world. Inside, he yanked off his boots and heaved them across the room. Next, he stripped off his shirt and tossed it on the floor.

  By the time he’d positioned himself in front of the heavy bag, his lungs were already working as hard as if he’d run a mile in full combat gear instead of merely crossing the width of the driveway. Unable to catch his breath, he still launched right into attacking his target. The first punch felt good. The second even better. By the third, he was into the steady rhythm of dancing around the bag and punching. Right, left, right. Left, left, right.

  The door opened and closed behind him, the sound of footsteps slow and cautious. It would be interesting to see which brother had been designated as the sacrificial lamb to see what was going on with Mikhail. For a moment, he ignored the intruder.

  “At least wrap your hands if you’re going to try to destroy the bag. Mom won’t be happy if you leave here bleeding.”

  He should’ve known it would be Jack who had followed him. Tino had some pretty impressive fighting skills from his days with the military police, but Mikhail had several inches in height over him and carried a lot more muscle on his frame. Jack, on the other hand, was built along the lines of a tank. Even with the knee he’d screwed up on a night drop, he stood a better chance of holding his own if Mikhail had totally lost control.

  Mikhail kept punching. If he was doing any damage to his hands, he couldn’t feel it. Not yet, anyway. He’d worry about the pain later. Meanwhile, Jack circled wide around him to dig out a set of the wraps they kept in the drawer.

  “Stop long enough to let me put these on you, and I’ll park my ass over on the couch until you’re ready to tell me what the fuck is going on in that head of yours.”

  Right, right, left.

  “And if I don’t want to stop?”

  Come closer, big brother. Give me a target for my anger.

  Jack kept his distance but planted his feet in a wide stance and kept his hands down loose at his sides, making it clear he wasn’t going anywhere. “I’ll still park my ass on the couch until you wear out. You’ll tell me what’s going on, and then you’ll explain to Mom why you felt the need to hurt yourself.”

  Fine, if Jack didn’t want Mikhail punching the bag, he’d kick it instead. After landing a couple of solid hits, he surrendered to the inevitable and stopped to offer up his hands. No use in being a complete idiot about this. Jack made quick work of wrapping Mikhail’s hands. Then he grabbed two bottles of water out of the small refrigerator. After loosening the cap on one, he set it within easy reach for Mikhail and then carried his over to the couch and parked his ass as promised.

  Right now it wasn’t in Mikhail to thank Jack, but the truth was he was glad he’d come after him. Back in the rhythm now, he kept up the steady rain of blows on the bag, circling it as if it were an opponent who could really fight back. If only it were so easy to knock memories right out of his messed-up mind. Eventually, his anger and his need to strike out gradually burned themselves out. He kept going for another five minutes out of pure stubbornness.

  Finally, he slowed to a stop, his entire body aching, his spirit exhausted. The water tasted sweet as he downed half the bottle before coming up for breath.

  “I’m okay.”

  Jack called him on the lie. “That’s crap. You’re not okay by any stretch of the imagination, so don’t bother lying about it.”

  Mikhail leaned against the wall and slid down to sit on the floor, his legs drawn up so he could rest his arms and head on his knees. “Okay, I’m not fine, but I am better than when I left the house.”

  The couch creaked as Jack stood up. When his big feet appeared at the edge of Mikhail’s peripheral vision, he looked up to meet his brother’s worried gaze for a brief second.

  “I’ll settle for that,” Jack said as he joined Mikhail on the floor. “How often has this been happening?”

  Again, there was no use in lying to Jack. The man had a well-developed bullshit-o-meter. “Less often than when I first got back. This is the worst in a long time.”

  “That’s good to hear.”

  Time for a tough question of his own. “How bad did I scare everybody?”

  “I don’t think Caitlyn or Natalie picked up on the fact you were having a problem until you were already out the door. Mom knew right off, but she let me come after you while Tino stayed with her.”

  “Tell them I’m sorry for…well, shit, just tell them I’m sorry.”

  “You could tell them yourself, you know.”

  Mikhail’s laugh had nothing to do with humor. “Not today. I can’t go back in there right now.”

  Jack didn’t argue. “Just so you know, that bag and I went more than a few rounds when I first got back.”

  “Me, too.”

  They both turned to acknowledge the arrival of their middle brother. Tino had three beers in his hands. After offering one to each of them, he sat down next to Jack. “It’s a bitch when some stupid thing triggers a flashback to whatever hellhole your mind decides it wants to revisit. It does get better.”

  Mikhail rested his head against the wall. “Despite all evidence to the contrary right now, it has.”

  Then he took a long drag off the beer, letting it wash away the bitter taste of embarrassed anger. “Some, anyway. It’s been a while since I lost it that bad.”

  The other two exchanged looks. Evidently, Tino deferred to Jack, because he was the one who spoke next. “Do you have someone to talk to about what’s going on? God knows I’m not into the touchy-feely stuff, either, but it does help.”

  Tino nodded in agreement. “Jay was there the day a basketball went flying by my head. Two seconds later I was flat on the pavement screaming ‘Incoming’ and for everybody to get down. And did I mention it was right in front of a bunch of twelve-year-old kids in broad daylight? Considering how Jay lost his leg, he’s had his own share of nightmares to deal with. The two of us have had a lot of long conversations since we met. If you don’t have anyone close by you want to talk to, I’m sure he could suggest someone.”

  “Or you could call one of us. Been there, done that. We’d understand.”

  The last thing Mikhail wanted to do was saddle his brothers with his darkest memories when they each already had their own. It wouldn’t be fair to them or their wives for him to stir up the nightmares they’d finally put behind them.

  Right now, what he needed the most was to go home. He briefly considered taking a shower upstairs before leaving but decided against it. The sooner he made his escape, the sooner he could lock himself inside his house and shut the rest of the world out for a while.

  “You guys better get back over to the house. Don’t let your dinner get cold.”

  Tino pushed himself back up to his feet. “I’ll tell Mom you’re not coming, but that you’re feeling better.”

  Mikhail accepted the hand up that Tino offered him, knowing his brother would know that meant he was
back under control. “Tell her I’ll call her later.”

  “Will do.”

  Before walking away, Tino gave him a man hug, patting Mikhail on the back hard enough to jar his teeth. Meanwhile, Jack had also stood up. “Do you want me to take you home or are you okay to drive?”

  “I’ll be okay now.”

  “Good. Mom will worry, though, so text me when you get there.”

  Yeah, right. If it was really their mother who needed to know Mikhail had gotten home safely, why hadn’t Jack suggested Mikhail text her instead? All things considered, he didn’t bother pointing out the contradiction.

  “I’ll text you and call her later, like I said.”

  Jack punched him on the arm on his way out. “Take care of yourself. Call me, you know, if you need to talk or even if you need a sparring partner. It’s been a long time since we checked to see which of us could kick the other one’s ass.”

  “Will do. Now get out of here so I can lock up and go home.”

  He removed the wraps from his hands and washed them out in the kitchen sink before hanging them up to dry. After putting his shirt and boots back on, he gathered up the empty bottles and dumped them in the recycling bin out in the driveway. Then he made sure the lights were out and the door locked before starting down the driveway, hoping he would make it to his car without running into anyone.

  No such luck. His mother was waiting for him out front. Mikhail slowed down. “Sorry, Mom, but I can’t do dinner today.”

  There was no mistaking the worry in her eyes, but she made no move to stop him. “I know, son. I packed up food to go home with you.”

  She pointed to a bag sitting on the hood of his car. “It should be enough for a couple of dinners.”

  He managed a small smile. “Thanks. I would’ve hated to miss out on one of your pot roasts.”

  Marlene took a half-step in his direction. “Can I hug you?”

  It broke his heart that she even had to ask. “Sure thing.”