A Soldier's Heart Read online

  That sounded right. “So he got a letter with bad news in it.”

  It didn’t take a genius to figure out what that meant. Spence was sure that if it was a problem with Nick’s parents, he would have said something. His mom was good about sending food for Nick to share with his friends. Just a few days ago, he’d gotten a box crammed full of packs of hard candies and trail mix. Check family problems off the list.

  That left girl trouble. It was damn hard to maintain a long distance relationship for the duration of a deployment. Text messages, phone calls, and e-mails helped but weren’t the same as a warm body held close at night. Add in multiple deployments, and the problems only escalated.

  He met Leif’s gaze across the table. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

  “As scary as that idea is, yeah, I am. But there’s no use in jumping to conclusions. When we get back, we’ll toss his bunk and see if we can find any answers. Failing that, we’ll corner him about what happened yesterday and see what he says.”

  Spence finished the last of his coffee. “You know he won’t much like us shoving our noses in the middle of his business.”

  Leif snorted. “So what? He’s never been shy about butting into ours.”

  True, but this was different somehow. Yet what choice did they have? Their buddy was in a downward spiral, one that could end badly for Nick, not to mention them.

  His decision made, Spence shoved his tray back. “Let’s go. Maybe we’ll be lucky, and he’ll stay gone long enough for us to get some answers.”

  Leif followed him back outside rubbing his arm again. “Lucky or not, the son of a bitch owes us an explanation even if we have to beat it out of him.”

  Spence grinned for the first time all day. “I’ll hold him while you get in the first few punches.”

  “Sounds like a plan.”

  • • •

  Their luck held long enough for Spence to find a well-worn piece of mail tucked under Nick’s mattress. There was nothing special about the envelope other than it was one of those security kind designed to prevent anyone from being able to read through it. Spence knew that for certain after holding it up to the light to see what he could make out about the contents. Otherwise, the handwriting looked decidedly feminine, another clue that they were on the right trail. There was no return address, but the postmark was from Nick’s hometown.

  “Should we read it?”

  The hesitation in Leif’s voice echoed Spence’s own feelings on the subject. Worrying about their friend was one thing, but somehow opening that envelope smacked more of betrayal. He wanted to help Nick to snap out of his funk; he didn’t want to ruin their friendship in the process.

  “No, not unless you think we should. Here, you do it.”

  Spence held it out to Leif, who held his hands up in the air and danced back a few steps, refusing to touch it. “No way. This was your idea.”

  “Okay, fine. We’ll put it back and resort to Plan B.”

  Leif lowered his hands and moved closer again. “Which is?”

  Spence’s answered with a grin that had little to do with happiness. “We beat the truth out of him.”

  His friend smiled back. “I definitely like Plan B.”

  But just as Spence was about to shove the letter back where he’d found it, the door opened and Nick walked in. It didn’t take him long to assess the situation.

  “What the fuck are you two doing?”

  Chapter 4

  It didn’t take a genius to figure out that he and Leif were well and truly screwed. Rather than offering up some lame excuse, Spence went with pure bluster seasoned with a sprinkling of the cold, hard truth.

  “Any idiot can see that you’ve been off your game lately, Sarge. You won’t talk about it, so you left us no choice but to do some digging on our own.”

  Rather than retreat, Spence tossed the envelope down on Nick’s bed with a flourish and faced his furious friend head-on. “For weeks now, everyone around here has been tiptoeing around you, trying to give you enough space to work things out on your own. All they’ve succeed in doing is getting their heads ripped off for their efforts.”

  Nick folded his arms over his chest but didn’t argue the point. Spence plowed ahead. “Last week, you thought we should go haring off on our own on the way back from patrol, a boneheaded move if there ever was one. However, we didn’t say a word.”

  He took another step toward Nick, glad that Leif immediately moved up behind him, backing his play. “But then there was yesterday when you broke every fucking protocol you’ve taught us when you went charging off on your own without adequate backup.”

  Spence leaned forward, making sure Nick was listening. “Bottom line, Sarge, you almost got yourself killed. If that wasn’t fucked-up enough, you managed to get Leif shot.”

  Nick’s face flushed red, either from embarrassment or temper or both. Spence didn’t know which it was and didn’t care. Either way, the situation was about to reach critical mass as Nick snatched the envelope off the bed and shoved it in his pocket.

  “You’re damn lucky I’m not going to put you two on report for this.” His hands curled into tight fists. “You sneaky bastards had no right to go rooting around in my things just for shits and grins.”

  Spence met his friend’s temper with some of his own. “That’s bullshit and you know it, Nick. Do we look like we were having fun right now? This isn’t like you sneaking a few cookies when I’m not looking. If it was one of us running around with his head screwed on backwards, you’d be the first one in line at the ass-kicking party.”

  Leif joined in. He stripped out of his T-shirt and then ripped the bandage off his upper arm, revealing a line of stitches and reddened flesh. “I got this saving your worthless ass yesterday. A few inches to the right and you’d be writing a letter to my parents.”

  Nick avoided looking at Leif’s arm, keeping his eyes pinned on Spence instead. Did he think that would make the reminder of his idiocy simply disappear?

  Leif stepped into Nick’s line of vision, forcing the issue. “Let me make this clear, Nick. I would follow you straight into hell any time you asked it of me, and you know it. When the bullets start flying, we’re not out there fighting for our country or some high-and-mighty ideal. We fight for each other. If we don’t watch each other’s backs, none of us will survive this.”

  Leif drew a deep breath and let it out slowly. When he spoke, his next words dropped like rocks in the enormous gulf that had opened up between the two of them and Nick. “But when I follow you into battle again, I need to know you’re not leading us on a suicide charge because of that fucking letter. Yeah, you helped save that guy yesterday. But the truth is, you weren’t courageous. You were fucking crazy.”

  Nick howled in fury and charged forward. He was taller than Leif by several inches and outweighed him by twenty pounds. But what Leif lacked in height he made up for with sheer cussedness. The two of them collided with every intention of doing each other some serious bodily harm. Spence let them get in a few licks, figuring both of them needed to get it out of their systems.

  After a few well-placed punches, he moved in. Doing his best to dodge their flailing fists, he grabbed Nick by his shoulders and tried pull him off of Leif. He didn’t duck fast enough when Nick spun toward him, bringing his right fist up in a vicious uppercut.

  It all went to hell after that, as all three of them took the opportunity to vent their frustration, tumbling to the ground and rolling around in a twisted mass of testosterone and temper. Finally, Spence managed to break loose from the pile and scrambled back a couple of feet.

  This time he kept his distance and settled for bellowing, “Stand down, you stupid bastards!”

  He was about to repeat himself when Nick suddenly rolled away from Leif. When he was in the clear, he covered his face with his arms and lay still, all the fight drained out of h
im. Leif retreated to his own corner breathing hard with his hands still clenched in fists. At least he made no move to resume hostilities.

  The whole fight lasted less than ninety seconds, but none of them had pulled their punches. Spence’s jaw hurt like hell, and Leif had blood trickling out of his nose, not to mention his freshly stitched arm was bleeding again. Spence tossed him his discarded T-shirt to mop up with while they waited for Nick to surface.

  When Nick finally moved, he winced as if his ribs hurt, but there was no missing the real pain was in his eyes. He stared up at the ceiling for several long seconds.

  “She wasn’t interested in waiting for me any longer.”

  Nick’s statement didn’t come as any surprise. Hell, Spence had lost count of how many of his friends had gotten similar news over the years. It was an unfortunate price the men and women in the military all too often paid for their service to the country.

  “Then she didn’t deserve you.”

  That much was true, even if it didn’t make the situation hurt any less. He offered Nick a hand up off the floor, relieved when his friend accepted even that much help from him. They each sat down on their bunks. Leif motioned for Spence to move over to make room for him. All three leaned forward, elbows on their knees as they stared at the floor. None of them wanted to make eye contact right then.

  Spence figured Nick had more to get off his chest, but he wasn’t about to push. The man would speak when he was ready. It didn’t take long.

  “It’s not like we were all that serious or anything. She and I went to high school together although I graduated two years before her. We even dated a few times back then. Last time I was home, we ran into each other at a barbeque and got to talking.”

  Nick got up and pulled out three bottles of water, tossing one to Spence and then another to Leif. “Things got pretty hot and heavy, and we hooked up for the rest of my leave.”

  Spence didn’t have to ask how long ago that had been. They’d all deployed at the same time almost five months ago. “This is Valerie you’re talking about.”

  “Yeah, it is.”

  They all concentrated on opening their bottles, the silence heavy and awkward. Finally, Nick started up again.

  “Hell, I don’t blame her. It’s not like we were really serious. There wasn’t time for that, but I’d hoped there was at least a possibility down the line. We had a lot fun while we were together, and not just in bed.”

  He pulled the envelope back out of his pocket and stared at it. Leif asked the hard question. “What did she say?”

  Nick tossed it toward him. “Read it for yourselves. It’s nothing I haven’t heard before.”

  Leif scanned the note and then handed it to Spence. It was depressingly short, but then it didn’t take many words to say good-bye. It didn’t help that she’d already found someone else, someone who worked nine to five and wasn’t gone for months on end.

  He handed the pale blue paper back to its owner. “Sorry, Nick, but I repeat: a fickle bitch like her doesn’t deserve you.”

  His friend put the note back in the envelope and set it aside. “Don’t be too hard on Valerie, Wheels. It’s not her fault that I was hoping for something more between us. Hell, at this point, looking back, I think maybe I liked the idea of having someone waiting for me to come home more than I actually liked her.”

  Okay, that didn’t make sense. “But if you weren’t all that hung up on her, why did the note knock you sideways?”

  “Hell, I don’t know. I’ve been in the Army for ten years now, and maybe I’m feeling my age.”

  “Get real, Nick,” Spence snorted. “You’re only twenty-nine. That’s not old.”

  “No, it’s not, but when I was home, I looked around and realized most of the guys I grew up with are married now and starting families. It didn’t help that as soon as my parents saw me with Val, they had visions of a whole new generation of baby Jenkinses dancing in their heads. The truth is, I had some thoughts along that line, too.”

  He guzzled the rest of his water. “And now Mom keeps asking me about Val when she e-mails me. I haven’t had the heart to tell her that that train has left the station. Guess I’ll take care of that chore this afternoon.”

  Spence wished he had some magical way to ease his friend’s obvious pain. “Sorry, man.”

  “Don’t worry about it, Wheels. I’ll be all right.”

  It was time to be up and moving. “Want to go outside and let me beat your worthless ass at some b-ball? I’ll even spot you a few points seeing as you’re all bruised up from our little intervention.”

  For the first time there was a glimmer of the old Nick in his grin. “Screw the points. We both know that even on my worst day I can clean your clock on the basketball court. Remember, I’m the one that took my high school team to the state championship.”

  Spence hooted. “Yeah, but that was eleven years ago, old man. At the ancient age of twenty-nine, I’ll be surprised if you manage to last ten minutes.”

  His friend’s smile was definitely smug, but then they both knew Nick was the better player. “Name the stakes, Wheels.”

  Seeing Nick taking a long step back to normal was worth any price. Spence opened his footlocker and pulled out the bag of cookies that had come from Callie. “My snickerdoodles against your secret stash of gourmet coffee.”

  Leif joined the discussion. “Okay, I want some of that action.”

  Spence and Nick ganged up on him. “Yeah, like you have anything we would want.”

  “That’s what you think. I was saving this for our next movie night.” He rooted around in his own locker and pulled out a box.

  Spence eyed the package with scorn. “Big deal. I’ve got popcorn, too.”

  Leif held it out for inspection. “Yeah, but this has extra butter flavor. You might not care, but I assure you the ladies do.”

  Nick gave Spence a conspiratorial look. “I don’t know. What do you think? With that gimpy arm and all, I just wouldn’t feel right about taking his lady-bait.”

  Spence suffered from no such reluctance. “It was his idea. If he’s willing to risk it despite the overwhelming odds, that’s his problem.”

  Leif didn’t back down an inch. “Not only am I going to keep my popcorn, but I’m going drink Nick’s coffee while I munch on your cookies.”

  Nick feigned a punch toward Leif and a second one right at Spence’s face. “Come on, ladies. Let me show you how the game is played.”

  Spence followed his friends out into the bright sunshine. “You’re on, but don’t think I’m going take pity on either of you. I can already smell the intoxicating scent of coffee and popcorn.”

  Leif winked at him as he shoved past him going out the door. Yeah, they both knew the loss of their cookies and popcorn was a cheap price to pay to get the old Nick back.

  Chapter 5

  Juggling times to connect with Callie was hard. Her work schedule could be as erratic as Spence’s. At least when she got called out unexpectedly, it wasn’t because some crazy decided to strap on a bomb and go strolling through town. He took great comfort in that truth.

  If she was home, she’d come online in the next couple of minutes. It was crack o’ dawn Afghanistan time, which meant Callie should be rolling in from a day at the office. If she was working late, it could be days before the two of them would have a chance to hook up again. As he waited, he cranked up his MP3 player and tapped his foot to keep time to the music. A heavy boot came sailing past his head.

  He removed his ear buds and glared at Nick. “What crawled up your ass?”

  Nick was sprawled face down on his bed. He raised up long enough to shoot a dark look in Spence’s direction. “Unlike you, I actually need to sleep once in a while. I don’t have to be up for another half hour, so quit stomping your foot before I break it for you.”

  “Sorry, man.”


  Spence scooted back on his bed and put his feet up on the mattress removing all temptation to keep time on the concrete floor. They both knew there wasn’t much chance of him holding still for more than a few seconds. Leaning back against the wall at the head of the bed, he closed his eyes and lost himself in the music.

  “Hey, there, Spence. Is this a bad time? If you need to sleep, just say so.”

  He popped his eyes open and grinned down at the screen on his laptop. “There’s never a bad time when it’s you, Callie. I was just listening to music.”

  While he watched, she twisted her shoulder-length hair up in a knot and stuck a pencil in it to hold it there. He thought she looked tired. “How about you, lady? Tough day at the office?”

  Her expression took on a predatory gleam. “Actually, it was fun. I finally nailed the jerk who’d been trying to hack into the company’s secure files. My immediate boss was most happy, and so was the CEO. It’s all good.”

  Then she frowned. “Of course, that means the contract is ending, so I’ll be moving on down the road again soon.”

  “Sounds like you’re not all that pleased about it.”

  Her smile was something less that happy. “You know me. I always enjoy a new challenge. It’s just that I expected to be here longer. So I broke my own rules.”

  He tightened his grip on the sides of his laptop, hoping she wouldn’t notice how her words had affected him. “How so?”

  Although he could guess.

  “I’ve been seeing someone I met at the office. You know, just a couple of movies and a dinner date or two. Nothing serious.”

  Sounded serious to Spence, considering she was on the same side of the planet as the guy. Yeah, time spent at the movies or at dinner was probably rated PG. It was the rating on the hours after those events that had him worried.