Atone in Darkness Read online

  He glanced at the impromptu party going on across the room and then down at her. “Hey, Doc, where do you think you’re going?”

  She hated the sympathy in his eyes, but then maybe he knew what it was like to be an outsider around this bunch, especially one who wasn’t quite trusted.

  “A hotel, preferably one that isn’t too expensive. I don’t have much cash, and I’m thinking it wouldn’t be smart to use my credit cards right now.”

  He stared over her head toward Chase. “He’ll be pissed.”

  “He’ll get over it when he’s had time to think things through. I don’t belong here.”

  “If you’re sure.”

  He took her suitcase and led her out of the lab. The door silently swung shut, a stark barrier between her and the one man who really mattered. Leaving was the right thing to do, but she just wished she’d had a chance to really say good-bye.

  • • •

  “FOR THE LAST time, where the hell is she?”

  When no one immediately responded, Chase closed his eyes and counted to ten and then to twenty. It didn’t help. Right now he was so damn angry that he suspected Dr. Young was rethinking her decision to remove his restraints.

  He’d been having this same conversation with various people for half an hour now. He clenched his fists and struggled to remain calm. How could he have lost track of Marisol in the first place? Granted, for a while he’d been swamped with a steady stream of well-wishers. Once the furor died down, Dr. Young had pulled him aside to finish the medical assessment required by the Regents, including the dreaded scan to see how close to the edge he was skating. The results weren’t as bad as he feared, but they weren’t good, either.

  It wasn’t until that was all over that he realized that Marisol hadn’t just taken a break from all the chaos; she was gone. “I repeat, someone has to know where Marisol went. She was here one second and gone the next.”

  “She probably went back to her bosses to report in.”

  Chase turned his temper on his brother-in-law and grabbed Jarvis by the front of his shirt. He yanked him closer until their noses were almost touching. “I’d be really careful about how you talk about her if you want to keep all your teeth.”

  Jarvis didn’t fight back, which was a damn shame. It would’ve given him a much-needed target for his anger. Right now, Chase wasn’t even sure who he was really mad at, but there were plenty of possibilities. His family. His friends. And most of all, Marisol for disappearing with no explanation.

  He’d even accused Devlin of taking her prisoner once she’d talked Chase back to normal. It spoke to the big man’s ironclad control over his own temper that he hadn’t decked him for it. Hell, even Gwen had hinted that wherever Marisol had gone, maybe it was for the best. Evidently, everyone thought he’d been so traumatized by everything he’d been through that he’d formed an unhealthy attachment to her.

  Enough was enough.

  “All of you leave.”

  His sister winced. “Be reasonable, Chase. You need to take things slow. It’s barely been a day since you were . . . shot.”

  Killed. That’s what she really meant. Did she think he’d forgotten that little detail? He glared at her and everyone else. “I’m sorry, sis, but this is one argument you won’t win. Go back home. I’ll be fine.”

  Then he turned his back to her and everyone else. “Dr. Young, do you have some clothes I can borrow?”

  She sighed. “I left some in the bathroom around the corner, along with a toothbrush and other stuff you might need.”

  “Thanks, Doctor.”

  Then he walked away and did his best to ignore the worried whispers behind his back. Yeah, they were concerned about him. He got that. But until he found Marisol, nothing else mattered. Without her, he didn’t much care if he jumped right back into the deep end of crazy again. Not that he’d admit to that. They would strap him back down in a heartbeat, and it would be a coin toss if they shoved a tranquilizer or a shitload of toxins in his vein this time.

  He was marginally calmer by the time he showered and dressed. With luck, people would have taken him seriously and left for a while. He couldn’t handle anyone hovering over him right now.

  The lab was quiet. Good. He had no idea where everyone had gone, but this might be his best chance to escape. He rounded the corner heading for the door, only to find two men standing there. They were Paladins by the look of them, but he didn’t remember ever meeting either of them before. But considering how they went on point the second he saw them, they knew him for sure.

  “Did you guys want something?”

  “You don’t know us, but we were there when you died. I’m Tyson Dahl, and this is Eli Jervain. I guess you’d describe us as new recruits.”

  What was he supposed to do with that information? “Welcome to the crazy club.”

  Tyson grimaced. “You won’t feel that way when you learn I met Dr. Riggs when I was a guard at the compound.”

  That instantly flipped Chase’s temper switch. Before he could lay his hands on the bastard, the other man shoved his way between them. “Damn it, Tyson, do you want to get yourself killed?”

  Tyson managed to stay just out of Chase’s reach. “Sorry, let me rephrase that. Maybe I should have said is that I walked away from that job when I didn’t like the kind of orders I was given.”

  Chase eased back. “Do you know where Marisol is?”

  Tyson and Eli exchanged glances before answering. “Yeah, we do. And before you ask, she’s safe for now.”

  “Take me to her.”

  Tyson gave him a hard look. “Not until I know what your intentions are toward her.”

  Why did everyone seemed determined to stand between him and Marisol? “My intentions are none of your damn business, and if you don’t want to end up strapped down to one of those tables, you’ll tell me where she is right now.”

  Tyson crossed his arms over his chest, clearly not intimidated by Chase’s threats. “The lady has been through enough. She deserves a little peace and quiet, especially someplace where half the people aren’t wanting to throw her to the wolves and the other half want to throw her in a cell somewhere.”

  Chase considered his options. He could do the stupid thing and try to beat the answer out of two men who were both his equal in size and strength, or he could do the smart thing and admit the truth.

  “I love her. She needs to know that. If she still wants to leave after the two of us talk, I’ll make sure she gets a fresh start where those animals won’t get their hands on her again.”

  Tyson studied him a few seconds before finally nodding. “In that case, I’ll take you to her. Understand this, though. If the good doctor doesn’t want to see you, you will leave with no arguments.”

  What choice did he have? “Agreed. Now let’s get out of here.”

  After Tyson stepped out of his way, Chase led the charge out of the lab, but they came to a screeching halt as soon as they cleared the doorway. Damn it, he should’ve known he wouldn’t make his escape that easily. Jarvis and Gwen were just coming into the building, and they weren’t alone. Tyson and Eli moved up to flank him, but he still wasn’t sure if they were there to help or hinder his escape.

  Devlin gave them a puzzled look. “Where do you three think you’re going?”

  “They’re taking me to see Marisol.”

  Gwen pushed past her husband to plant herself right in front of him. “Chase, please don’t rush into anything you might regret.”

  He stared down at the woman who had put her whole life on hold to raise him. He owed her everything and didn’t want to hurt her.

  “Sis, tell me this. When I didn’t want you getting involved with Jarvis, did you listen to me or your heart?”

  Her eyes flared wide and then she took a step back. “My heart.”

  “Do you regret that decision?”

  She glanced back at her husband. “No, never.”

  Then he scanned the others gathered in the lobby. “I coul
d point out other couples who didn’t belong together, at least by conventional thinking. A Handler and a Paladin. Kaliths with Paladins. A hacker with a cybercop. This is no different. I don’t know how this is going to turn out, but I can’t not try.”

  He turned back to Devlin. “No matter what, she gets a job with the organization. If not here, somewhere else.”

  The big man was slow to answer. When he did, there was more than a hint of temper in his voice. “Just a reminder, I don’t take orders from you, Chase. Having said that, my wife has already made the case for us hiring her as another Handler. Laurel has been wanting to recruit another doctor interested in researching what makes us tick, and your lady has all the right credentials. Not to mention, she’s seen all the shit this life can throw at her and didn’t blink. That says a lot about her character as far as I’m concerned. If she wants the job, it’s hers. Let me know if I need to put in for a transfer for you to our area.”

  Okay, at least one thing was finally going right. “Thanks, Devlin. I will.”

  When he started forward this time, his friends stepped aside to clear the way to the door. Several patted him on the shoulder as he walked by with Tyson and Eli right on his heels. Jarvis was the only one who blocked his way.

  “I’ve been a jerk.”

  Chase grinned at him. “That’s nothing new.”

  “Smart-ass.” His brother-in-law punched him lightly on the arm. “If she means half as much to you as Gwen does to me, tell her . . . well, tell her welcome to the family.”

  Words and emotions clogged up his throat, making it impossible to talk. He settled for giving Jarvis an awkward man hug and headed out to find his woman.

  24

  * * *

  The knock at the door came as a relief. Ever since Tyson had checked her into this hotel, she’d been too wired to even sit down and watch the flat-screen TV. He’d promised to return later with dinner and an update on Chase’s condition. She had no intention of returning to the Paladin headquarters unless there was a setback in his recovery. That didn’t mean she no longer cared about him and how he was doing.

  She hurried over to the door and peered out through the peephole to make sure it was Tyson. He stood far enough from the door to make sure she could see him clearly. Her fingers fumbled a bit as she undid the dead bolt and the chain.

  Tyson held a pizza box and cardboard carrier that held two soft drinks and two beers, but he made no move to come inside. There was something off about the way he was acting. What had happened in the short time she’d been hiding here at the hotel?

  The former guard’s expression softened just a little as he all but shoved the pizza and drinks into her waiting hands. “You’ve got my number if you need anything.”

  She stared at his back as he walked away, still trying to make sense of what he’d just said. Had something happened he didn’t want to tell her about? Her pulse kicked up a notch. “Tyson, how is he?”

  Tyson just kept walking but called back over his shoulder. “Ask him yourself.”

  Then another man stepped into sight, and the world quit spinning.

  She stumbled back into her room a short distance until she could lean against the nearest wall. Chase followed her, step for step, and then relieved her of the pizza box and drinks. After setting them on the nearest piece of furniture, he shut the door and then planted himself right in front of her.

  “Didn’t you have something you wanted to ask me?”

  She managed to nod. “How are you?”

  He crowded closer, planting the palms of his hands on the wall on either side of her. “Fine and pissed, pretty much in equal measures. Want to explain what you’re doing in this cheap-ass hotel? And why you trusted Tyson to keep you safe, but not me? I thought I did a pretty good job of protecting you right up until I got shot.”

  There was nothing she wanted more than to wrap her arms around his powerful body, still so strong despite everything he’d been through. But if she did, even caved that little bit, she would shatter if he walked away.

  When he walked away.

  “You did keep me safe, Chase, even though we both know you would’ve been better off leaving me behind. Once the enemy was taken care of, you immediately started protecting me from the people who really matter in your life—your friends and even your family.”

  Her resolve weakened as she settled one hand over his heart. “You sacrificed another one of your chances for me. I won’t let you sacrifice anything else.”

  If anything, he looked even angrier. “Are you done? Any other stupid excuses you want to make for running out on me?”

  Her own temper flared hot. “That was low. They’re not stupid excuses.”

  But instead of fighting back, he gently tucked a wayward strand of her hair behind her ear. “Stupid or not, they’re still excuses, Marisol. If you don’t want me in your life, all you have to do is tell me to walk out that door. But I’ve got to tell you, the way you kissed me this morning in Dr. Young’s lab didn’t feel like you want me to disappear from your life. The way you held my hand and whispered to me all that time didn’t feel that way, either.”

  “Anyone would have done that much.”

  Chase snickered. “Sorry, but I don’t even want to think about Jarvis or Devlin snapping me out of the craziness with a big kiss.”

  Then he leaned in close enough that she could feel his breath on her skin. “I know we met under bizarre circumstances, and both of us have been through hell. That doesn’t make what we feel for each other any less real.”

  Yes, it was real, but that didn’t make it right. She couldn’t find the words to convince Chase they’d be better off apart, not when she didn’t want to believe it was true herself.

  He studied her for several seconds before speaking again. “I know you had a rough time of it as a kid. Anyone would have trust issues with parents like yours. I told you I was almost eighteen when I found out my father disappeared because he died in action. Intellectually, I understand he couldn’t help what happened. Emotionally, though, it still hurt. That my mother never got over him leaving her didn’t help matters. If I hadn’t had Gwen to hang on to, I’d be every bit as skittish as you are.”

  Then he kissed her with just a hint of heat. “What I’m trying to say is even though your parents were idiots, you don’t have to keep everyone else at arm’s length. You can let me love you, Marisol, and you can love me back. We both deserve that kind of happiness.”

  Another kiss, this one a lot longer and a lot hotter. “Trust me with your heart. I swear I won’t walk away.”

  God, she wanted what he was offering so much. “But your friends and family don’t trust me.”

  “They just haven’t had a chance to get to know you, that’s all. They’re already starting to come around.”

  Then he grinned. “Besides, it’s not like I wanted Gwen to hook up with Jarvis back in the day and was a real pain the ass about it. Just ask them. The Regents, our bosses, also had real issues with a Handler like Dr. Young marrying a Paladin. Trahern broke all the rules by bringing Brenna into the Missouri headquarters without permission. The list goes on and on. The bottom line, if it worked out for all of them, it can work for us.”

  She pushed against him, needing room to breathe, to think. He let her go this time. She paced the length of the small room. “I’m not part of your secret world, Chase. What if they won’t let me be?”

  He took her place leaning against the wall. “Before I came here, Devlin said Laurel wants you to come work with her. She’s been wanting a research partner for some time now, and she thinks the two of you would be a good fit. No matter what you decide about you and me, there will be a job waiting for you.”

  His expression turned darker as she continued to pace. “I know this is a lot to absorb all at once. There’s also the matter of how many times I’ve died recently. There’s a scan that they do on us that monitors the changes in our brains over time. It used to be that Trahern was the one on the edge, b
ut his numbers have improved. My numbers aren’t as bad as his were, but they aren’t good.”

  Then he stepped away from the wall and toward the door. “I’ll understand if having that hanging over our heads is too much for you to deal with. But know this: I’ll love you with every minute I have left. I’ll leave now and let you think things over. Take all the time you need.”

  On his way out, he pointed at the pizza box. “Eat that before it gets cold.”

  Then he was gone, leaving her staring at an empty room and an even emptier future.

  • • •

  WALKING OUT OF that room was the hardest thing he’d ever done. Each step down the hall with its faded carpet and tired artwork took more effort than the one before. Eli had followed him and Tyson to the hotel so they could leave a car for Chase to use. At least that way he didn’t have to hang around the lobby and wait for a ride back to . . . hell, he didn’t even know where to go. Hanging out with his sister and Jarvis held no appeal, especially if they were stupid enough to say he’d be better off without Marisol.

  Maybe Tyson and Eli would feel up to sharing a few beers. Worst-case scenario, he could hop a flight back to Missouri and start hunting for the traitor who had betrayed him to the Cadre in the first place. At least that would give him something to focus on besides the waves of pain that were making it hard just to breathe.

  A door opened somewhere down the hall behind him. He hesitated briefly, just in case. But when he didn’t hear anything, he started forward again. Then came the sound of someone coming his way, walking slowly at first but picking up speed.

  “Chase, wait!”

  He spun back around to see Marisol headed straight for him at a full run. He braced himself and managed to catch her when she took a flying leap right into his arms.

  “I’ve had all the time I needed to think, Chase. I want it all—you, the job, and every minute we can have together.”

  He carried her back down the hall to her room, ready to shut the rest of the world out while he showed his woman what she meant to him with every means at his disposal, starting with both of them getting naked. “You’ll have to marry me, you know.”